Get Out of Your Own Way and Become More Content

Get out of your own way = 10% more content

Does 10% really make a difference?  I guess that depends on exactly what we are talking about.  While saving 10% at the grocery store is good, I’m not thrilled because I am used to saving 35% or more utilizing sales and coupons.  If I increase my running distance by 10% per week, it makes a big difference in my workout and gets me closer to my goals in achievable increments. The same with weight loss.  There are several documented benefits of losing “just” 10% bodyweight.  I’m choosing to believe that 10% more content would result in measurable benefits because it would change how we view ourselves in the world, our ability to achieve personal goals and just overall well-being.

Learning how to get out of our own way could dramatically change our capaciity to be content with ourselves and our ability to live in that space of authenticity and loving who we are rather than who we think we should be. (been there, for sure) What does it mean to get out of our own way? Letting go of some faulty thinking is a great start.  Here are 5 ideas to get you started on moving out of your own way and gaining some momentum for change.

Take these 5 Steps to Becoming More Content

1.  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  So, friends have you laughed at yourself lately? Have you goofed, misunderstood, messed up or committed a faux pas of some kind?  I think this is my specialty!  I realize that serious mistakes may require some serious corrections but for the most part I think it can be healthy to laugh at your goof ups and move on.  The key here is to move on.  Don’t dwell on the mistake and harbor guilt – this is where you will stay stuck in your own way.
2. Understand that people aren’t really focused on you.  That’s a nice way to say, “nobody really cares”.  I mean that in reference to the mundane, everyday things we tend to get hung up on, not that people don’t really care about you as a person. (That would be mean.  I’m not mean.) For example, I wonder how much time I have wasted standing in my closet trying to find the perfect combination for an outfit to go somewhere.  Changing tops multiple times because….”that makes me look fat” or “if I wear that people will think I’m trying to be too ____” You can fill in the blank there with an array of adjectives like fancy, frumpy, hip, young, important, slouchy….you get the picture.  Or my shoes don’t work perfectly with this outfit or I can’t get my hair to cooperate.  I don’t know why, but hair is a thing for me.  I don’t like to spend a lot of time on my hair, but I want it to look right. Go figure.  But, guess what?  When I stress and fret about my outward appearance before going somewhere, it impacts my attitude negatively and I usually find out that nobody.even.noticed.anything. Or, if they did notice, they did not say anything which means it really wasn’t that important.   It is perfectly fine to want to look nice and feel good about what you are wearing.  But the pressure of looking perfect every time we leave the house is a recipe for stress and frustration.  So, let go of that stress.  Find what makes you happy and comfortable and rock it!  People will certainly notice the joy and confidence you exude before they notice your perfectly coifed hair or shoes that are on point.  Move over, self-consciousness.  Helloooo contentment!
3. Don’t take everything personally. I think this one is a close relative to #1.  In my family, sarcasm and witty put-downs are a deep sign of affection.  In other words, you kind of need a thick skin to survive.  Especially on game night! You might need a sword and shield to protect yourself from the verbal barbs being thrown around.  Or maybe you have co-workers or friends that say things that could get under your skin if you let it.  Don’t.  Just move on over and let it pass knowing that sometimes personalities clash. Or sometimes people let their insecurities come through in how they interact with others.  There could be a hundred different reasons why people choose to communicate with negativity.  Usually it really isn’t about you (see #2).  Disclaimer:   I am not condoning verbal abuse or not standing up against any kind of racist or sexist remark.  There is a big distinction to me.
4. Stop second guessing everything you do.  Ok. Now we are really getting serious.  Show of hands. How many of you could put this on your list of “top ten things I am good at”??  Both of my hands are up!  Changing this one mental focus could move my contentment level up the entire 10% – or more!  I do not even know how much energy I have wasted in the past arguing with myself about something.  Even after I have prayed about an issue and know deep in my soul what to do, I can sometimes second guess it all.  Am I sure? Am I positive?  What if this…..what if that? And to make it worse I need to process with those around me which could be an energy drain on them.  I have learned to look at why I am second guessing the decision.  Examine what is causing you concern.  Do you have serious concerns about the results?  If so, reevaluate the situation and then move forward.  Are you worried or anxious about the decision? Dig into what is causing that.  Is this new territory for you and you just need confidence? Maybe you need more information.  Take specific steps to do your research.  Ask yourself what is the worst-case scenario? I’m willing to bet if you choose the wrong color dress for the party it will be ok.  (again, see #2) Don’t waste any more energy on that decision.  I know there are many more pressing matters to decide these days but if you are a chronic “second-guesser” like I have been EVERY decision can haunt you. It is the minor ones that tend to pile up for me making it hard to put energy into deciding and moving forward with the more important decisions.   At that certain point in my life anxiety was a key factor which caused a snowball effect.  What is keeping you stuck on this rollercoaster of decision making?  
5. Overthinking everything = procrastination and frustration. If second guessing wasn’t enough let’s add some nice “overthinking” to the recipe.  This cooks up some well-done procrastination with a side of frustration.  This one will really hold you back.  Step aside.  Stop dwelling on the “thing” and actually do something about it.  This is commonly referred to as “analysis paralysis” because we just get stuck where we are.  The epitome of being in our own way. Holding ourselves back.  You have learned the skills and gained the knowledge for the project.  You have prayed over it.  Now it is time to walk into that next thing.  Take one step on that proverbial journey or one bite out of that big elephant.  The ones that come after that are likely much easier.  Let the momentum carry you forward.

Part of My Journey

Are you wondering where this list came from?  Since I am nothing close to a counselor or therapist so what qualifies me to give you this list?  I am well and truly acquainted with every one of these issues.  I have lived intimately with each one of them on my journey of learning how to live an authentic, grace-filled life.  They still come calling but they don’t stay around like they used to. 

There’s no magic about 10%.  I don’t even know if you could measure 10% more content.  But to me, it is a marker of making it to that first milestone or reaching that first goal on your way to more.  Let this be the first step for you to living authentically and being more content with who you are regardless of the circumstances of life.   Are you acquainted with any of these issues?  Drop me a note and let me know which ones you are kicking to the curb and how you are getting out of your own way.  What tips do you have that have allowed you to become more content with who you are these days?